Today is one of those days of being melancholic for no particular reason. Nothing major occurred. No one offended me, nothing triggered me. I’ve been feeling like that for a couple of weeks. I start feeling very sad. My husband would often notice and ask what has made me sad. There are times when my mind embraces reality that life as I know it will never be the same. Many believe that a chronic illness such as diabetes only affects the way you eat- cut the sugar, take the medicine and keep it moving. But they have absolutely no clue that it is much more than just diet, medicine and exercise.
In a society where food is a significant aspect of celebrations, festivities and other social gatherings, Diabetes not only affects your pancreas, kidneys, heart and limbs. It also affects you mentally and emotionally….more than you can imagine.
What is life as a diabetic really like?
It’s making sure that I eat between 20-50 carbs a day, not eating 10-12 carbs per meal even though I eat less than 10 at most meals and less than 20 many days. I fear eating over 20-25 carbs because I don’t want to deal with higher blood sugars which equals a higher A1C.
For me, it’s making sure that I intentionally exercise or 30-40 minutes daily to stabilize my blood sugar.
It’s making sure that I take my medicine during the same time of day and if I have to travel, making sure that I take my medicine along.
It’s contacting restaurants or event organizers beforehand and inquiring about the menus because you can’t have any other fruits other than berries, no starches and sugars.
It’s watching your family and friends enjoy all the foods that you cannot eat so you are forced to not notice, but deep down you want to cry and you do on the inside….
It’s having to cook almost all of your meals at home because at home is a safe place.
It’s crying on the inside whenever you see a picture or coupon online of food at a restaurant and you can’t have it.
It’s the depression you feel that the future plans that you and your spouse has made that included trying new restaurants is no longer an option and are limited to 3 of the same restaurants.
It’s declining business related events because of location, time, weather and food offerings because that has an effect on your blood sugar and you fear passing out.
It’s eating before a school or business event because the organizers didn’t offer low carb foods.
It’s constantly inspecting my body for cuts and bruises and if you have one, ensuing that it heals quickly.
It’s the feeling of missing out even though you are managing diabetes successfully. You know the costs of when you don’t.
The feeling of getting scared the hell out of whenever you hear or read countless stories of amputations, blindness, heart attacks and death because of uncontrolled diabetes.
It’s my daughter sitting across from me at the dinner table asking me when will the Diabetes be over…
“When will it go away?“
It’s realizing that life as you know it will never be the same…..
When I answer my daughter saying that there is no cure yet, but as long as I continue to eat healthy, exercise and stay stress free, I can still live a healthy life with diabetes.
It’s me choosing to fight every single day, refusing to give up. Refusing to give into the temptations coming from a society that promotes gluttony and unhealthy eating habits with consequences of obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer.
Choosing to fight because my family needs a wife and a mom.
Choosing to fight because my job on earth is not complete.
Choosing to fight because there’s someone who needs to hear my story.
Life with Diabetes is one of the most difficult journeys I have faced so far.
This journey forced me to ask really difficult questions about life and about my faith
It’s forced me to be real and raw with myself and to others and has forced me to cry out to Abba more than I ever had.
However, this journey has brought me closer to Him and has taught me to depend on Him for everything, especially my strength. This journey has shown me the blessing of having a support system. I have seen the very best in my family, especially in my husband and I can truly say that I have a greater and deeper love for him.
This experience has brought out characteristics that I never knew I had.
I have discovered new talents, opportunities and a love for helping people who are going through a similar journey.
So even though my life has forever changed, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and that my journey will be an encouragement in someone’s diabetes journey.
Until Next Time,
The Genetic Diabetic