There’s not enough words to express how much I hate you. Ever since you’ve entered my life, my life has never been the same. I’ve tried so hard to take care of myself mentally, physically and emotionally. To be honest, I struggle with being social with others while on this new lifestyle. Whenever I see a new restaurant opening, when I see friends take beautiful food pics, when a new ad for delicious dessert comes on tv or social media, watching family and friends eat while I sit and watch. In fact, I’ve just endured that with my family at Chick-fil-a. It got to me so horribly that I’ve literally walked out of the restaurant because my kids did not understand why we couldn’t stay longer.
So many people believe that I’m strong because I’ve been able to stick to this new lifestyle, but I am the farthest from it. They have no idea of how much I struggle while watching people enjoy what I used to eat. How I contemplate not attending an event or hang out with family and friends because there is nothing for me to eat. Often I feel as if I don’t exist. It’s lonely being a diabetic.
I normally don’t complain about my journey, but there are times where I am just tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling as if everything is alright when it’s clearly not. I hate that you’ve taken so much from me. I hate how I feel. I hate that special accommodations have to be made because of you. I hate that I have to live life on your terms.
I’m so tired of you. So so tired….